One of the privileges I have as a priest is to conduct funerals. It might seem a bit strange to think of that as a privilege but actually, that’s just what it is because, as I’m sure we all know, the funeral of a family’s departed loved one is a very important event in the life of that family. That’s shown when I visit bereaved families to discuss a funeral with them, because one of the things I hear time and again from the family is that they want to “get this right” which is really another way of saying that they want to make sure that their departed loved one has a good send-off. And to be able to help a family do that is, I think, a great privilege.
No funeral is ever easy, and one of the reasons for that is that the priest wants to get things right too, both for themselves and the family, and the deceased too. I well remember a priest telling me, not long after I’d been ordained, how important it was to get funerals right. He said that you can make a mistake at a wedding, or a baptism, and people will usually see the funny side of it, they certainly won’t think any less of you for it. But if you mess up at a funeral, the family will never forget and never forgive you. But one of the particular difficulties with funerals, especially when they take place at crematoria chapels, is the limited amount of time you have for the funeral service. That is a difficulty because very often the bereaved family can’t have exactly what they want; there simply isn’t time to do everything that they would like to do to make sure that their departed loved one has that good send-off they want for them. And in those situations what I tend to do is to remind the family I’m dealing with that we do have a limited amount of time, that there will be another family following us into chapel and as important as this family funeral is to you, that family’s funeral is to them, and it’s not fair to keep them waiting and having to rush through their funeral because we’ve gone over time. And I must say, I’ve never met a family yet who didn’t understand that.
This kind of respect for others, showing them the same consideration that we show ourselves is, of course, part of what it means to love our neighbour as ourselves. I’m sure we all realise that and would always try to show that same respect and consideration for others that we show ourselves because it’s what we’re called to do as Christians. But the reality is that we can very often fail to show respect and consideration for others, probably without meaning to or perhaps even realising that we’re doing that. One way we very often do this is not by failing to show respect and consideration for others, but by showing more of those things for some than we do for others.
I’ve been reminded of this quite recently by the fuss, shall we say, that some people have made of the death of a very famous knight of the realm and ex footballer. This famous person does have a link with one of the parishes in this benefice in that he was married in one of them and his wife’s family have a grave in the churchyard there. To the best of my knowledge though, that is the extent of his connection with the church. As far as I’m aware he has never been a regular worshipper at the church, nor has he been a benefactor of the church. So there must have been many other people over the years with the same or similar connection with that church. But how many of those others have been made special mention of in a Sunday service when they’ve died? Indeed, how many people who’ve had a much greater connection with the church have not been made special mention of in a Sunday service when they’ve died? So why should this person be shown such respect and consideration when others haven’t? The only answer I can come up with is that it’s because this person is famous, and the others weren’t. But that is not what it means to love our neighbour as ourselves.
Before I go any further, I will say that there’s nothing particularly wrong with making a fuss about the death of this famous person. What is wrong is making more of a fuss of their death than we do of anyone else’s death. What is wrong is making special mention of the death of a famous person who has a small connection with the church when we make no mention of the death of Joe or Jane Bloggs who have the same connection, or perhaps even a much greater connection with the church. It’s wrong because, as Christians, we’re called, in so far as it’s possible, to do what God does, that’s part of what it means to love God with all our heart and soul and mind. And everyone is beloved by God, so we’re called to love everyone as the God loves them.
There are plenty of examples in the Gospels of Jesus teaching that we should love all people in the way that God loves them and that we should treat all people in the same way, regardless of their rank or status, and in last Sunday’s Gospel we heard that this was Jesus own example when those sent to question him about paying taxes to Caesar said,
‘Teacher, we know that you are sincere, and teach the way of God in accordance with truth, and show deference to no one; for you do not regard people with partiality.
So we shouldn’t treat people differently according to their earthly status. If we do, then we’re not loving everyone equally, we’re loving some more than others. And that is not loving our neighbour as we love ourselves.
Let me put it this way. I’m sure we all know what it’s like to win and to lose. We might have applied for a better job and got it, or applied for a promotion at work and got it. We might have entered a completion of some kind and won. When we’ve done these things, we’re usually very pleased with ourselves, we might be proud of ourselves for achieving success. But do we actually love ourselves more because we’ve done well and been successful? Surely not because we’re still the same person we were before our success. And if we don’t get that job or that promotion we applied for, and if we lose the competition we’ve entered, we might be disappointed, but do we love ourselves less than we did before our failure? Surely not because again, we’re still the same person we were before our failure. In fact, when we do fail or are disappointed in some way aren’t we actually likely to show ourselves a little more love to make up for it? To treat ourselves in some way to cheer ourselves up and make us feel a bit better? And if that’s the way we love ourselves, aren’t we called to love everyone else in the same way? If our own success or failure doesn’t affect the way we love ourselves, then the success or failure of others shouldn’t affect the way we love them. Their earthly status, whether it’s high or low, shouldn’t affect the way we love them and treat them. Their fame, or lack of it, shouldn’t affect the way we love them and treat them. And so regardless of who and what a person is, we should treat them all with the same respect and consideration, whether they’re high and mighty or low and weak, rich and famous or poor and inconspicuous.
In part, this is what it means to love God with all our heart and soul and mind because this is the way God loves and treats all of us. And this is what it means to love our neighbour as we love ourselves because this is the way we love ourselves.
Amen.
Propers for the 30th Sunday in Ordinary Time (Last after Trinity) 29th October 2023
Entrance Antiphon
Let hearts rejoice who search for the Lord.
Seek the Lord and his strength, seek always the face of the Lord.
The Collect
Blessed Lord,
who caused all holy Scriptures to be written for our learning:
help us so to hear them,
to read, mark, learn and inwardly digest them that,
through patience and the comfort of your holy word,
we may embrace and for ever hold fast the hope of everlasting life,
which you have given us in our Saviour Jesus Christ,
who is alive and reigns with you,
in the unity of the Holy Spirit,
one God, now and for ever.
Amen.
The Readings
Missal (St Mark’s)
Exodus 22:20-26
Psalm 18:2-4, 47, 51
1 Thessalonians 1:5-10
Matthew 22:34-40
RCL (St Gabriel’s)
Leviticus 19:1-2, 15-18
Psalm 1
1 Thessalonians 2:1-8
Matthew 22:34-46
Parish Church of St Mark Chadderton 